Friday, October 31, 2008
Friends are really important in our lives
From them, we pick up some pieces of advice
We share good times together
We share dreams as well as laughter
A special someone is also someone very important
Coz deep inside, he’s written in my heart
We share precious moments together
And I’m hoping to build a good relationship that would last forever
But what if there’s a clash between your friends and your special someone?
Who would you choose, if ask to just pick one?
Is it your friends whom you like to be with?
Or is it your special someone whom you love to be with?
But what if you’re not even sure of how you feel?
Can you recognize which is one is for real?
Would you choose your friend who in times of problems can make you laugh and feel you better?
Or to a lover who do not say a word but gives you a silent prayer to make things lighter
Would you choose your friend who you can drink and hang up till morning?
Or to someone who’s willing to clear up the mess even when you’re vomiting?
Well I know you’ve decided to have their company
So I’m saying goodbye to my baby
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Changing the way you think about yourself and your life is essential to boosting self-esteem. Cognitive behavior therapy techniques are especially helpful in changing unhealthy thinking and behavior patterns. These techniques are based on the idea that your feelings and behavior result from how you think about yourself and your life. CBT techniques can help you recognize, challenge and ultimately replace negative thoughts or inaccurate beliefs with more positive, realistic ones.
These five steps toward healthy self-esteem are based on cognitive behavior therapy principles. As you go through these five steps, jotting down your thoughts, experiences and observations in a journal or daily record may help you use these steps more effectively.
Think about what conditions or situations about your life you find troubling and that seem to deflate your self-esteem. You may wish to change aspects of your personality or behavior, such as a fear of giving a business presentation, frequently becoming angry or always expecting the worst. You may be struggling with depression, a disability or a change in life circumstances, such as the death of a loved one, a lost promotion or children leaving home. Or you may wish to improve your relationship with another person, such as a spouse, family member or co-worker.
Once you've identified troubling conditions or situations, pay attention to your thoughts related to them. This includes your self-talk — what you tell yourself — as well as your interpretation of what a situation means and your beliefs about yourself, other people and events. Your thoughts and beliefs may be positive, negative or neutral. They may be rational — based on reason or facts — or irrational — based on false ideas.
Your beliefs and thoughts about a condition or situation affect your reaction to it. Inaccurate or negative thoughts and beliefs about something or someone can trigger unhealthy physical, emotional and behavioral responses, including:
- Physical responses, such as a stiff neck, sore back, racing heart, stomach problems, sweating or change in sleeping patterns.
- Emotional responses, such as difficulty concentrating or feeling depressed, angry, sad, nervous, guilty or worried.
- Behavioral responses, such as eating when not hungry, avoiding tasks, working more than usual, spending increased time alone, obsessing about a situation or blaming others for your problems.
Your initial thoughts may not be the only possible way to view a situation. So test the accuracy of your thoughts. Ask yourself whether your view of a situation is consistent with facts and logic or whether there might be other explanations.
You may not easily recognize inaccuracies in your thinking. Most people have automatic, long-standing ways of thinking about their lives and themselves. These long-held thoughts and beliefs feel normal and factual to you, but many are simply opinions or perceptions.
These kinds of thought patterns tend to erode self-esteem:
- All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad. For example, "If I don't succeed in this job, I'm a total failure."
- Mental filtering. You see only negatives and dwell on them, distorting your view of a person or situation or your entire life. For example, "I made a mistake on that report and now everyone will realize I'm a failure."
- Converting positives into negatives. You reject your achievements and other positive experiences by insisting that they don't count. For example, "My date only gave me that compliment because he knows how bad I feel." "I only did well on that test because it was so easy."
- Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative conclusion when little or no evidence supports it. For example, "My friend hasn't replied to my e-mail, so I must have done something to make her angry."
- Mistaking feelings for facts. You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, "I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure." No matter how strong a feeling is, it isn't a fact.
- Self put-downs. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecating humor. This can result from overreacting to a situation, such as making a mistake. For example, "I don't deserve anything better." "I'm weak, stupid or ugly."
The final step is to replace the negative or inaccurate thinking you've identified with accurate thoughts and beliefs. This can enable you to find constructive ways to cope and give your self-esteem a boost.
This step can be difficult. Thoughts often occur spontaneously or automatically, without effort on your part. It can be hard to control or turn off your thoughts. Thoughts can be very powerful and aren't always based on logic. It takes time and effort to learn how to recognize and replace distressing thoughts with accurate ones.
These strategies may help you approach situations in a healthy way:
- Use hopeful statements. Be kind and encouraging to yourself. Pessimism can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is, if you think your presentation isn't going to go well, you may indeed stumble through it. Try telling yourself things such as, "Even though it's tough, I can handle this situation."
- Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes aren't permanent reflections on you as a person. They are isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake but that doesn't make me a bad person."
- Avoid 'should' and 'must' statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of these words, you may be setting unreasonable demands on yourself — or others. Removing these words from your self-talk can give you and others more realistic expectations.
- Focus on the positive. Think about the good parts of your life. Ask yourself, "What other things have gone well recently?" "What personal skills do I have that have helped me cope with challenging situations in the past?"
- Relabel upsetting thoughts. Having negative thoughts doesn't mean you must choose to react negatively. Instead, think of them as signals to use new, healthy thinking patterns. Ask yourself, "Which of my strengths can help me respond in a constructive way?" "What can I think and do to make this less stressful?"
- Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit for making positive changes. Treat yourself as well as you'd treat a loved one. Tell yourself, "I did a good job on the presentation. It may not have been perfect, but my colleagues said it was good."
Yesterday is History, T oday is Reality
Tomorrow remains a Fantasy
Dwell not in the past for it was gone
Think not of tomorrow for it is something to be plan for
Instead live at your present and make it memorable,
Coz it can change bitter past and make your happiness in the future lasts..
To mommies to be my diditch and my hoe…
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
P.S. Its not easy to raise a child, but i know ull be good at it!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
While watching the men working on our our road, I really pity them. They have to work hard just to earn money. They work with sweat and heavy workload just to earn small pieces of money. I was really thankful that my parents though not rich but really work hard just to send me to the best University. I'm really fortunate enough that I am working as a nurse, though tiring sometimes but still well compensated unlike other people.
For all of this..thank you mama and papa. May God bless you always!
Monday, October 27, 2008
I never thought that I had a problem putting my foot down (most people would equate me with an aggressive personality type...one not afraid to say what she thinks). But recently, I have become overwhelmingly aware that I actually have a problem with drawing a line in the sand...for myself. I'm not sure whether it is a need to do everything, or more a fear of not doing everything, but either way, I have a problem saying 'No'. And as a result, this has started to manifest itself in an extreme amount of stress on my psychological wellbeing. Luckily, there haven't been any major physical reactions...yet.
Although one could argue that this is a positive realization, it is at the same time devastating. I am the type of person who is happiest when I'm busy and don't have enough time in the day. I thrive on trying new and exciting things, taking on new challenges and being as involved as I can. My philosophy? Life is just too short to not take full advantage of everything the world has to offer. And, as a result, this epiphany that I can't say 'No' implies that I need to do something I hate: sacrifice.
My overly 'eager beaver' attitude comes with a price. And for that matter, a price that, if not kept in check, can be extremely high. Not having the ability to say 'No' can result in physical health issues, mental health issues or what I feel to be even worse, failing. Unless you are a superhero (and let's face it, Wonder Woman and Superman were great role models but we know they don't really exist), it is impossible to do everything.
So, in order to prevent a stress-related breakdown, physical illness or failure, something has to give. From a personal perspective, this is just not in my make-up and the idea of it is highly distasteful. It means I have to give up something that I don't want to give up. It means making choices instead of having choices. It means admitting that, indeed, I'm incapable, physically and emotionally, of doing it all. How very disappointing.
So why am I burdening you with my issues? Because, I can't help but wonder how many of us suffer from the very same thing. How many of us are trying to do it all and end up feeling stretched so thin, that the idea of flying off to some distant land to escape from all of the built up pressure, doesn't seem like the best idea we've ever had?
Do you feel that you stretch yourself too thin? Do you have a hard time saying no? If so, what drives you to continually say 'yes'?
By now, we know that drinking green tea is undoubtedly good for our bodies. The antioxidant and free-radical scavenging properties of green tea have made it a must-have for the health conscious and numerous studies highlight the potential benefits of green tea including cancer prevention and weight loss.
But green tea isn’t just a delicious and healthful drink; it can also be used as an at-home health and beauty remedy. Read on to find out 7 surprising things you didn’t know about green tea
1. It can reduce puffy peepers: Stayed out too late last night? Soaking a cotton pad in green tea and placing it over eyes for 10 minutes can reduce the puffiness of tired eyes, making you look revitalized and refreshed.
2. It can soothe skin: Spent a little too much time in the sun? Use the naturally calming properties of green tea to soothe sunburned skin. Place green tea in a spray bottle and mist on sunburned areas for all-natural relief. Because it has anti-bacterial qualities, green tea can also be used as an antiseptic to spray on skin blemishes or irritations.
3. It’s great for teeth: Green tea has fluoride in it, making it a superstar for keeping gums and teeth healthy. Green tea can even be used as a mouthwash to maintain breath.
4. It can soothe sore throats: The anti-viral effects of green tea make it an excellent remedy to help prevent the effects of a cold or flu. In fact, you can gargle with green tea to soothe a sore throat.
5. It’s good for the bones: Naturally high in minerals, green tea aids in strong bone density, which is important for maintaining good posture.
6. It’s a room deodorizer: Green tea leaves have traditionally been used to naturally absorb odors in a room. Place tea leaves in a bowl to help absorb unpleasant odors or leave some in the fridge in place of baking soda.
7. It’s good for the feet: Soaking tired feet in green tea can prevent unpleasant fungal infections.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
1. To Express Your Thoughts and OpinionsYou have something to say, and blogs provide a place to say it and be heard.
2. To Market or Promote SomethingBlogging is a great way to help market or promote yourself or your business, product or service.
3. To Help PeopleMany blogs are written to help people who may be going through similar situations that the blogger has experienced. Many parenting and health-related blogs are written for this purpose.
4. To Establish Yourself as an ExpertBlogs are wonderful tools to help bloggers establish themselves as experts in a field or topic. For example, if you're trying to get a job in a specific field or hoping to publish a book on a specific topic, blogging can help legitimize your expertise and expand your online presence and platform.
5. To Connect with People Like YouBlogging brings like-minded people together. Starting a blog can help you find those people and share your opinions and thoughts.
6. To Make a DifferenceMany blogs are issue-based meaning the blogger is trying to provide information to sway people's thinking in a certain direction. Many political blogs and social issues blogs are written by bloggers who are trying to make a difference in their own ways.
7. To Stay Active or Knowledgeable in a Field or TopicSince successful blogging is partially dependent on posting frequency and providing updated, fresh information, it's a perfect way to help a blogger stay abreast of the events in a specific field or topic.
8. To Stay Connected with Friends and FamilyThe world has shrunk since the Internet has become more accessible. Blogs provide a simple way for family and friends to stay connected from different parts of the world by sharing stories, photos, videos and more.
9. To Make MoneyIt's important to point out that most bloggers don't make a lot of money blogging, but the potential does exist to generate revenue from your blog with hard work and commitment. There are many bloggers who bring in big bucks. With patience and practice, you can make money through advertising and other income generating activities on your blog.
10. To Have Fun and Be CreativeMany people start a blog simply for fun. Perhaps a blogger is a fan of a particular actor or loves knitting and wants to share that passion through a blog. One of the most important keys to successful blogging is having a passion about your blog's topic, so you can write prolifically about it. Some of the best and most interesting blogs started out as blogs that were written just for fun and to give the blogger a creative outlet.
Here are three questions some people find difficulty answering.Try it:
What is the source of your SELF WORTH now? Please choose:
* ur brains?
* ur looks?
* ur spirituality?
* ur money?
* the feeling of being loved?
What worries you?
How would people close to you react if and when they know your deepest and darkest secret?
WHAT WORRIES YOU?
Here are some of the answers from my friends:
Euge - my family problems.
Ger - the choices that I make when it comes to human pleasures and desires of my heart.
Ed- losing my sanity.
Law- future, business, family, ambition, money, security, protection.
Abe- being useless.
Nep- Doing things I dont like to do.
Odji- Being alone.
Manny- being alone.
Agot- retirement age.
Noe- My future.
Justin- Safety of my family.
Cesar- A lot of small things.
Sam- That love is frozen.
Bann- To lose my parents.
Dado- Not being of help and productive.
Jon- Rejection in many forms.
Doc Nels- My monthly bills.
WORDS OF WISDOM:
Did you know that 92% of what we worry about never happens? And the 8% is usually manageable? Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it gets you NOWHERE.
In the battle for survival, one of the ways of dealing with fear is to rigidify one’s response to life. In order to survive, a person may adopt a specific defensive stance in life rather than dare spontaneous expression and risk being hurt again. One literally gets scared out of being oneself.
Sometimes there is a pain or fear in seeing certain things about ourselves. One suggestion is that that kind of pain is okay – even essential if one is to grow. It is like coming out of the cave and feeling painful sensations in our eyes at the first rays of the sun. After awhile we become accustomed to the light, and the temporary pain is replaced with a permanent joy of seeing!
There are four primary ways where we get stucked in our growth. Read through this and find out for yourself which polarity you find yourself in. This is an important way of knowing who we really are. The four categories are:
The STRIVING Person – is stucked by the strength polarity; receives the message that work, personal achievement and competitive performance are things that make life meaningful; he assumes that play, fun, recreation and the joy of intimate relationships with others are a waste of time. At the unconscious level, this person feels betrayed that this deep human need of for unconditional affection and love from others was not adequately met. He suffers under the heavy burden of perfectionism. One works oneself to death trying to appear worthy.
The HELPLESS Person – Even when a trusting relationship with God has been established, this person still feels the fear of being overwhelmed by life. He is stucked with the weakness polarity; never learned to stand on his own feet. He doesn’t want to get in touch with his own strength and adequacy, he may continue seducing others into doing the thinking, feeling and acting. This person may have suffered early traumatic experiences with family or peers; no longer trusts anyone; there is a residual feeling of terror and helplessness.
The CRITICAL Person – Blaming and attacking are a more aggressive forms of manipulation used in relationships with this type of person. Being hurt is this person’s greatest fear. This person is out of touch with the complimentary dimensions of love and weakness. He is stucked with the anger polarity and cannot allow into the awareness feelings of tenderness or humility. As a child, he could well have received a harsh, judgmental treatment he or she now dishes out to others. Other factors are insecure parents, jealous brothers or sisters, exploitative relatives and others.
The COMPLIANT Person – Begins when the child learns that he or she can win the approval of parents and others by pleasing them. He becomes stucked with the Love polarity. The problem is that in getting the approval of the others, one makes everyone else the judge and master. One must constantly repress feelings of strength and anger, and instead feel only love and weakness. In living up to everyone else’s expectations and demands, one sacrifices one’s own individuality and originality. Love loses its genuineness. The price of constantly living the “nice guy” or “nice girl” role is fatigue, resentment and inner emptiness. The pay-off is the occasional crumb of approval or pat on the head that one receives for being so nice to others. Life becomes slavery as they become frantically busy, self-sacrificing and often desperately lonely.
Defenses are learned strategies; we are not born with them. Once we discover how we make ourselves tense, rigid and controlled in our posture towards life, we can begin to reverse the process. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! There is hope for the troubled, entangled and imprisoned individual. Our faith in the creative grace that will lead us to wholeness is warranted.
But the process of growing out of our psychological ruts is not without risk and pain. We may have to experience the real travail of owning our feelings and learning to express them honestly to others before we begin to enjoy the celebration of restored meaning in our lives.
Every way of being stucked can be understood as a subtle distortion of man’s existential calling or vocation: to love himself, others and God wholeheartedly. Praying about our life situation must be combined with the courage to DO something about it. God may truly inspire us along the wisest pathway for our lives, but we must take the responsibility for doing the walking or we will never get anywhere. The fruits of that direction will also be felt in the personality as peace, joy and excitement.
An awareness of how these patterns are being acted out in one’s life creates the possibility of experimentation with new alternatives, growth and change. It is the invitation of Christ to each individual, and the joy of a God who delights in giving good things to those who seek Him. It is also the finest meaning of salvation, redemption and the grace of God.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Last night I work on graveyard shift, while still getting ready for my things I have this feeling that I don't like my duty. I have headache and felt so tired because for 3 consecutive days I was the charge nurse. Actually there were two staff nurses on duty and they should be exchanging work from being a charge nurse to medicating nurse and vice versa. But because we have new staff, she refused being the charge nurse for she was afraid of many referrals to make. She was not yet ready to take the job. When I arrived in the workplace, I saw the previous shift very busy and saw something familiar...oh no, not again. Someone is being intubated, I think this was the third time this week. But when I saw the patient good thing he was awake and there is still hope they could revive him. It was really a toxic duty for me, with one intubated and some patients complaining of chest pain. I was not really conditioned to go on duty yesterday even the doctors were not in the mood. But what else can we do, it's our duty, our responsibilty to care for this patient. Good thing for the rest of my shift, the patients were able to sleep well and no one was complaining.
People nowadays are tired, many are frustrated. As a result, we use busyness as a way to keep depression at a distance. We seldom quite our brains and ask these very important questions: why are we so restless? Why are we anxious? Why are we lonely and feel so abandoned?
Put on the whole armor, and take up your shield. Prepare for battle, and come to my aid. In the gun sights When Ira Sankey was at the height of his ministry, he was traveling on a steamer in the Delaware River. Some passengers had seen his picture in the newspaper and knew he was associated with evangelist D. L. Moody. When they asked him to sing one of his own compositions, Sankey said he preferred a hymn by William Bradbury, "Savior, Like a Shepherd Lead Us." One of the stanzas begins, "We are thine, do thou befriend us; be the guardian of our way." When he finished, a man stepped out and inquired, "Were you in the army, Mr. Sankey?" "Yes, I joined up in 1860." "Did you ever do guard duty at night in Maryland, about 1862?" "Yes, I did." "Well, I was in the Confederate Army," said the stranger. "I saw you one night at Sharpsburg. I had you in my gun sight as you stood there in the light of the full moon. Just as I was about the pull the trigger, you began to sing. It was the same hymn you sang tonight," the man told an astonished Sankey. "I couldn’t shoot you." Life is filled with near misses. We know only a fraction of the many situations in which God preserves us from severe physical and emotional injury.
In the gun sights
When Ira Sankey was at the height of his ministry, he was traveling on a steamer in the Delaware River. Some passengers had seen his picture in the newspaper and knew he was associated with evangelist D. L. Moody. When they asked him to sing one of his own compositions, Sankey said he preferred a hymn by William Bradbury, "Savior, Like a Shepherd Lead Us." One of the stanzas begins, "We are thine, do thou befriend us; be the guardian of our way."
When he finished, a man stepped out and inquired, "Were you in the army, Mr. Sankey?"
"Yes, I joined up in 1860."
"Did you ever do guard duty at night in Maryland, about 1862?"
"Yes, I did."
"Well, I was in the Confederate Army," said the stranger. "I saw you one night at Sharpsburg. I had you in my gun sight as you stood there in the light of the full moon. Just as I was about the pull the trigger, you began to sing. It was the same hymn you sang tonight," the man told an astonished Sankey. "I couldn’t shoot you."
Life is filled with near misses. We know only a fraction of the many situations in which God preserves us from severe physical and emotional injury.
Security is our nearness to God, not our distance from danger.
Friday, October 24, 2008
- Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
- Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as Important as any other.
- Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
- When you say, "I love you," mean it.
- When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
- Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
- Believe in love at first sight.
- Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
- Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
- In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
- Don't judge people by their relatives.
- Talk slowly but think quickly.
- When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
- Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
- Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
- When you lose, don't lose the lesson
- Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
- Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
- When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
- Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
- Spend some time alone.
- Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
...and on a lighter note:
- it is never too late to be what you might have been
- Treat me like an angel and I'll be your li'l devil.
- When I have learned enough to really live, I'll be old enough to die.
- Show me a sane man and i will cure him for you.
- I believe the children are our future, unless they are stopped now.
- Procrastinate now, dont put it off.
- Crazy is a relative term in my family.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I GOT THIS FROM A COUNSELOR-FRIEND AND I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE IT TO ALL MY FRIENDS. FUNNY BUT TRUE!
Anyone who has gone through the agony of losing someone he/she loves so much will still wish against all odds to have that love back again. But, sometimes a love lost is a love gone forever. No amount of hope can bring back to life a relationship that just died a natural death.
Love can be very treacherous. After denying ourselves of so much and after standing up against the will of our very own families, love can fade without any warning and leave us hurting, wondering where we have gonewrong. Our heart can be blinded by a love that has gone beyond reason. Call it unconditional, but the fact that we are silently hurting inside doesn’t give justice to the sacrifices we had to put up just to keep him/her. We cannot live by the promises they make. After all, they may all be empty and we’d just be hoping for a love that has long been gone, and probably will never be back again.
It will never be easy to forget a loved one. All our efforts in disremembering can be wiped out by just one insignificant display of attention that means nothing to them but may mean the whole world to us. We have to accept the certainty that they’re gone, that they don’t belong to us anymore. I know it’s difficult and tormenting but our wounds will never heal it we don’t stop it from bleeding. We have bled more than we should have. Now, it’s time to heal, time move on. Acceptance is never complete if we still nurture hatred in our hearts.
Set yourself free. Let your heart spread its wings and fly. Remember, it may rain for forty days and forty nights, but it will not rain forever. One day, the pouring will stop and there will be plenty of branches where we can find rest. One of these is where we will build your nest and start over again. It’s never too late. Remember, we may find love and lose it but when love dies, we never have to die with it.
Children do not intentionally set out to misbehave. In fact, children usually misbehave for a reason. Obviously it does not do any good to ask the child why he/she acted up at “nana’s” house or screamed in his/her car seat for no apparent reason. However, by examining the child’s reaction, parents can often discover the real purpose for their youngster’s unruly behavior.
According to Dr. Rudolph Dreikurs (author of Children the Challenge), there are four reasons why children misbehave (if they are neither sick nor physically exhausted): for attention, power, revenge and to make their parents feel inadequate. Many adults might wonder why a child selects misbehavior over good behavior. That, according to Dr. Dreikurs, is the wrong question. A more useful one is, “What does the child hope to gain from their misbehavior. Why did the child do that?”
Parents should ask themselves how they feel, when their child act ups, to learn the reason behind the misbehavior. For example, when parents feel annoyed when their child disobeys, the youngster is probably seeking attention. Angry? Then power is the child’s ultimate goal. Feeling hurt by the child’s behavior? Then the youngster’s objective is revenge. Frustrated to the point of wanting to give up as a parent? Then the child believes the parents are inadequate and misbehaves to confirm this feeling. Parents can respond with more effective discipline when they know why their child is misbehaving.
Every healthy child demands attention. An important goal of parenting is to supply the attention needed to develop a healthy self-esteem. Dr. Dreikurs believes that over 90 percent of misbehavior is for attention. Denying attention in such situations usually stops the misbehavior. If a parent constantly has to cope with attention-getting behavior however, ignoring may not always be enough of a response. Being ignored may be the reason for the problem in the first place.
For children who require undue attention, the temptation for most parents is to scold, nag or coax. When parents remember that their child’s goal is to get attention (any attention), it is easy to see that scolding or nagging only encourages more misbehavior. In a child’s mind, the attention from an angry parent is better than no attention at all. If parents only notice their child’s mistakes, the youngster will make mistakes for attention. Obviously, the best way to direct our children to "good" behavior is to "catch them being good."
For the child seeking attention, use the two “I’s” of discipline: Ignore the behavior when possible, giving the child positive attention during pleasant times, or Isolate the child by using “timeout” when the child’s behavior is too extreme to be ignored.
Children are constantly trying to find out how powerful they are. Some youngsters believe they only count when they are running the show. Rather than joining the struggle, parents should take charge by acting instead of reasoning. When a toddler balks at taking a bath, a long discussion about the importance of cleanliness gives the youngster unreasonable power over their parents.
During power struggles, parents need to take kind, but firm, action. Talking does little good and only feeds into the power struggle. Parents must decide what they will do, not what it will take to make their child do it. Another way of avoiding power struggles is by turning the encounter into an advantage by giving the youngster limited choices. This gives the child a feeling of control: “Do you want eggs, waffles or cereal for breakfast?” “Would you like to set the table or clear it after dinner?” This way, whichever choice the child makes, it is the “right” answer.
Dealing with the mistaken goal of revenge takes patience. A child who hurts others, feels they have been hurt and they have to even the score. When a child is allowed to hurt others, they establish a painful cycle of relating to people through hurting and being hurt. To break this pattern, parents should never retaliate. Instead, try to build a friendship with the child while improving self-esteem. This can be easily done by placing the child in situations in which they cannot fail. When a child has a better opinion of himself/herself, he/she rarely misbehaves to seek revenge.
The feeling of inadequacy is an escape for the discouraged child. It is a lot easier to give up rather than try and fail again. Inadequate children brag, boast or fight, and usually are unwilling to try new things. Constant “put-downs” make these children feel even more worthless. They act with self-fulfilling prophecies. They will not try to do well at school if they think they are stupid. If they believe they are unpopular and cruel, they will often mistreat their peers. When children feel inadequate, parents have a difficult task: they must restore their faith in the child and encourage them by praising whatever successes they achieve. (No matter how small.) Arrange for small accomplishments and find opportunities to compliment them on their behavior. Remember, children are not miniature adults with bad judgment; they make mistakes because they are always learning.
When parents understand why their children misbehave, they will be more inclined to choose a discipline tool that will reduce the misconduct. If a pot is boiling over, clamping on a lid is not the best solution. To solve that problem, reduce or eliminate the heat under the pot. In a similar way, if parents can find and eliminate the source of a child’s misbehavior--the heat under the pot--they will have more success in reducing any behavior problems.
Crying is the only way babies can communicate their needs. A strong, loud, vigorous cry is one sign of a healthy baby. Although many new parents wonder if they will be able to determine why their baby is crying, it usually takes only a week or two to recognize different types of crying.
Every baby has its own cry, and parents very quickly learn to recognize their baby s crying from others. The amount of crying varies, and is not related to the general health of the baby. A placid and peaceful baby is no more healthy or unhealthy than one who cries a good part of the day.
Babies cry for many different reasons. Among the more common reasons are fatigue, loneliness, irritability, hunger, and colic. Other babies cry because their diapers are wet or dirty, they re too hot or cold, their clothing is too tight or uncomfortable, or if they have been stuck by a pin or another sharp object.
Perhaps most worrisome is when babies cry because of illness. Parents often wonder if they will be able to distinguish the crying of a sick child from that of a healthy one. Most of the time you can. A sick baby looks and acts differently than a normal baby. His cry will be different, sometimes very weak and shallow. Other times, particularly if he is in pain, his crying will be louder and sharper than normal.
Probably the most common cause of crying is unexplained. Some babies cry for no particular reason. Once you have eliminated the obvious causes, you may want to consider this crying as another form of exercise. There is often nothing you can do about it.
Parents often wonder why their newborn babies cry without tears. This is normal because their tear ducts have not mature enough to make tears. It usually takes one to two months before the tear glands manufacture tears.
Another misconception about crying is that it may cause a hernia. Crying does not cause inguinal (groin) hernias. If a baby develops a hernia while crying, it is because he or she has a congenital weakness in the inguinal area. Even if the baby never cried, the hernia would have developed.
First time parents almost invariably have the "Gerber Baby" illusion, in which they erroneously believe that their newborn will be the quiet, smiling baby that adorns diaper boxes or can be seen cooing at smiling parents in television commercials. Instead, tired parents are usually faced with a squalling bundle of demands, which they think can not possibly be normal. Yet, crying is definitely normal for babies. In many instances, it s their only way of communicating. If you cannot find a cause for your baby s crying, then there probably is not one. Some babies seem to just like to cry.
Cause of Crying- How to Recognize it and What to do
Stop and start rhythm; cry-pause-cry that doesn't stop when baby is picked up
Breastfeed or bottlefeed baby on demand
Sounds like hunger cry, but baby is still crying and not satisfied after feeding; occurs mostly when weather is very hot or indoor air is very dry
Offer baby water. Call your baby's doctor if the infant will not drink
Whiny, nasal, continuous tone
Put baby to sleep or down for a nap
Starts as a coo or gurgle, then builds to a wail; ceases abruptly when loved one appears
Pick baby up and give the infant desired attention
Sudden, shrill, and piercing cry, followed by long pause, then another long screech
If cause of pain is not obvious and easily remedied (tight fitting diaper, a stray hair wrapped around a finger or toe, etc.) call the baby's pediatrician.
- Fever/ Illness
Similar to pain cry, but baby may also be flushed or pale, skin feels hot, eyes glassy, etc.
Immediately consult the baby's pediatrician for guidelines on managing the fever and illness.
This year, over 20 million American vehicles will have passenger side air bags, a safety feature soon to become standard on all new cars. Designed to inflate rapidly, the air bags prevent passengers from hitting the windshield or dashboard in a collision. Air bags - a great safety feature on vehicles - have deployed in more than 850,000 and reduced driver deaths in frontal crashes by 30 percent nationally. Although air bags were designed to save lives, they can Dose a very serious risk to children. Although 500 drivers lives were saved by air bags in 1995, 15 children died of air bag-related injuries during the same period. In eleven of the crashes, the children were not wearing safety belts or were not wearing them properly. In other crashes, the force of the passenger side air bag's deployment killed four infants riding in rear-facing car seats.
Children are at increased risk for air bag-related injuries because of their size. The vehicle seat belts, when worn, do not fit most children correctly. As a result, children often place the shoulder belt behind them and perch on the edge of the vehicle seat. This positioning, combined with the child's short stature, places the child's face and neck directly in the path and full velocity of the deploying air bag. This turns a minor 10-mile-per-hour crash into a 140 -mile per hour head impact with the passenger-side air bag. The risk of death in a car crash with a passenger side air bag is extremely high for unrestrained children and for infants in rear-facing child seats.
Because of the above information, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends the following:
* The safest place for infants to ride is in the back seat of the vehicle. In a collision, the rigid seat supports the baby's back, neck and head.
* Never put a baby in the front seat of a vehicle equipped with a passenger-side air bag (see owners' manual). An infant weighing under 20 lbs. or younger than one year,must always ride in a rear-facing child safety seat in the back seat of the vehicle.
For Children over 20 pounds:
* To greatly improve a child's chances of surviving a crash and avoiding serious injury, place them in the rear seat, properly restrained. Children riding in the front seat are at risk if they are improperly restrained, out of position or too small for the safety belt to fit correctly. In a crash, little ones can easily slide forward on the seat, and the inflating air bag can hit them in the head or neck. Whether the vehicle has an air bag or not, children are up to 29 percent safer riding in the back seat, as compared to the front seat.
* In an emergency and the child must ride in the front seat, make sure he or she is correctly restrained and then move the vehicle seat completely back, away from the air bag.
* For children over 40 pounds but too small to wear a lap and shoulder belt properly, use a car booster seat to obtain correct positioning of the lap and shoulder belt The lap belt must fit snugly across the child's upper thighs (not abdomen). The shoulder belt should cross the youngster's shoulder and chest.
* Never place a shoulder belt under the child's arm, belt two children together or hold a child in someone’s arms while traveling.
* Parents should set a good example by always using both lap and shoulder belts.
Presently, parents with passenger-seat air bags in their cars have no choice but to put their child in the back seat, even if that may not be a good idea in some circumstances (the child is sick or needs close attention). Car manufacturers are working on "smart air bag systems" that would read the weight and position on the occupant, along with the severity of the crash, and adjust the force of the air bag's deployment accordingly. In addition, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration is excepted to issue proposed rules concerning the availability of cutoff switches and circumstances where owners can have air bags disconnected. For now, the best way to give children a safe ride is to place them in the rear seat. Infants should be properly secured in rear facing car seats, and older children properly restrained by a lap and shoulder belt.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
I was really thankful for all the good things that happened to my life and for all the bad ones may it serves as a lesson. To become a better person in the future and to help me become strong and wise in facing all trials and hardships. I want to thank God for giving me the best in life. For all life's blessings and for everything that happened to my so called life....thank you lord