Monday, December 15, 2008

Are You Confident or Conceited?

Some mistaken conceitedness for confidence, while other mistaken confidence for conceitedness. This frequent misunderstanding unfortunately interferes in the dating world in a negative way. Communication, while used every day in many different ways, is not an easy skill to master, when done correctly. Most of us go out into the world daily, not thinking much about the message we are sending out about ourselves. What message are you sending out- A confident or conceited one? The answer to this may say a lot about your dating life and can tell you why you are succeeding or failing.

Communication is both verbal and non-verbal. A lot of the impression you give others about yourself is not from what you say verbally, but rather from what you say silently, through your body language. Your bodys language is much louder than the words you verbalize out of your mouth. You can say one thing verbally, but send a completely different language with your body language- and this can determine whether people see you as confident and attractive, or conceited and unapproachable.

Here are some body language descriptions and the message they can send out. Read them and see where you fall into:

Crossed Arms - You may a very confident and friendly person, but if you have a bad habit of crossing your arms (whether you are standing or sitting), you are sending out an unfriendly, insecure and unapproachable message. This can hurt you a lot in the dating world, because many people may find you very attractive, but will not even bother coming up to you because they will assume that you do not want to be bothered, or that you are not a nice person to interact with.

Ground Watching - Looking at the ground when walking is a common thing people do. This is something you should avoid doing, especially if you wish to meet interesting people out there in dating land. Looking down at the ground when you walk delivers a message that you are in your own little world and not concerned with anything or anyone else around it. It could also send out a message that you are really shy and insecure. None of these are impressions you want to give about yourself, so when you walk, keep your head up and eyes focused on your surroundings. You never what or whom you could be missing by looking at the ground!

Looking Straight Ahead - If you are walking outside somewhere, standing in a line or just hanging out in a certain place, be sure not to look straight ahead, looking through everything and everyone in front or around you. You may be feeling great about yourself and may be well dressed, standing tall and looking your best, and while people may acknowledge how great you look, they will not consider you approachable and may in fact think you are conceited and too self-absorbed. The reason they may feel like this, is because when you stare ahead, you are not giving people a chance to get to know. You are not looking around and making eye contact and are not giving warm welcoming smiles that tell others that it is okay to introduce himself/herself to you.

Fake Smiles - People are not stupid and in general can read others pretty well. If you give a cold, fake smile, chances are people will be able to tell and will place you in the category of being a fake person. Do not give short, quick smiles that are not genuine. This will cause you to come off as snobby and no one wants to get involved with someone they believe is self-centered and uncaring. If you encounter someone you do not feel like giving a genuine warm smile to, try your hardest to make the smile as real as possible. Do not give tight lipped smiles, as those come off as being the most fame. Give a quick, partially open mouth smile (with a little teeth) and make eye contact- and then move on before you give a fake vibe!

There a lot of many forms of body language that can give an unfriendly or conceited message, but these three are one of the most common that people use. You may truly be one of the friendliest people and a blast to hang out with, but a lot of people may never get the chance to know this about you if you speak to them with unfriendly body language. You will rob yourself from meeting a lot of great people as well, without even realizing that you are scaring them away. So be more aware of yourself and pay attention to not only how you feel about yourself, but to the way you express your inner feelings and personality. If you are confident and know you are a wonderful beautiful and successful person, express that! Walk with your head up high, smile, acknowledge your surroundings and make eye contact with people. Sit with your arms uncrossed and advertise yourself as a confident, but easy to approach person you just might meet that very special person you have been waiting a very long time for!

2 comments:

Christian David Holmes said...

Insightful points! These are very useful basic rules when out (especially at weddings, house-parties, and other likely non-public meeting places). I can't begin to tell you how many times I've been attracted to someone who I just didn't feel comfortable approaching due to their body-language.

I did want to mention that a real smile is typically very hard to "fake" as it uses different muscles entirely than the fake smile. What I do is practice a visualization exercise:

I study the face of the person I am meeting and try to associate one characteristic about them to someone I know, or a celebrity or politician (it needs to be somebody you like, who will make you smile).

This accomplishes two things:

1. Oftentimes it will prompt a genuine smile.

2. It will help solidify their name in conjunction with their face in your mind.

Thanks once again for the list!

faye said...

was here again grace..musta na?