Monday, December 22, 2008

Being the Mistress: Is it Worth It?

Falling in love with a married man is something women have been doing for a long time. Being a mistress is nothing new, but is it worth it?

So many women get involved with a married man because he makes promises of leaving his wife and getting into a committed relationship with them, and they usually end up waiting forever for him or end up just being his mistress- nothing more. The first thing you need to do before getting officially involved with a married man is to ask yourself some serious questions. The following questions will help you decide whether or not being a mistress is worth it.

Why a Married Man? It is important that you ask yourself why you would want to get involved with a married man in the first place? There are plenty of single men out there for you to get to know. If you did not know he was married at first, then perhaps you should ask yourself if you would want to get involved with a man who lied to you about his marital status.

Prepared to be Second Priority? One thing you should always keep in mind is that his wife and family will always come before you, no matter how many problems he claims to have at home. Keeping you as his secret mistress is an obvious sign that he is not ready to lose his spouse. If he was, then he would just leave her and be with you, but instead- he has chosen to spare her the pain and embarrassment because he loves her- and will continue to keep you a secret for as long as you let him. Are you ready to be second priority?

Self-Esteem Check. Being a mistress will play a big role on your self-esteem, making you slowly start to feel bad about yourself. You will feel alone and not important, because all you are is a secret mistress- no matter how much he tells you he loves you- you will still not be getting that official healthy committed relationship that you will eventually need and want for yourself. So do not neglect yourself and be sure to do a self-esteem check.

Are you ready to wait a long time? Getting involved with a married man is complicated and the relationship will be filled with repeated promises that will work at first, but will later leave you feeling helpless and restless. He will never just drop his wife and family for you, so ask yourself if you are ready to wait a long time for him to finally finalize his divorce- if he gets one. It is common for men to decide that they want to make their marriage work after all, so are you ready to not just wait a long time, but perhaps even end up not being with him in the end?

These are all essential question that you must answer honestly. Sure, having an affair can be fun, but when that stage of excitement slowly wears off and you enter another stage where you crave that closeness of an official one on one committed relationship, then you will start feeling the stress and pain of being a mistress. There are of course chances that


clydens said...

Well, what a nice post and positive steps you've made in here - however, let me remind you and let us not forget the fact that unless, otherwise we've experienced the same thing with what others may had then that'll probably be nicer and fair enough also for them. Please do not misunderstood me, you are right in all those particulars but there are things on earth that can't be understood by our ordinary senses alone and not even our forefathers before had. It is such a question that keeps on lingering in the minds of everybody which is until now remains a mystery, this little thing called " LOVE IS BLIND "

Rori Raye said...

Dating a married man has many sides to it - One, do you want to be part of a lie? Two - if number one is okay with you, because of specific circumstances, why would you close down your OTHER options in men for the married one? In other words - can't you date many men, have fun, and date the married one, too?

I've actually seen a married man leave a wife and marry the new girl. So it's not impossible. But standing by as the "good woman" he can rely on, though he's being intimate in all sorts of ways with the "wife" is a pretty miserable place to be.

Most of us women are attracted to unavailable men with some kind of unavailability or other. The marriage thing is just the most obvious, big one with a sign painted on it - but, in fact, a married man might be actually more available than an emotionally unavailable man.

Lots of questions here - and the only strict answer here, for me - is Don't Get Exclusive! Rori Raye