Saturday, February 28, 2009

when it's over....

When it's over, is it really over?

When you decide to let go, do you really succeed in letting go?

This is one of the mornings after another sleepless night that I cannot help not to ask myself, why didn't I have a good night sleep again? Then I would just joke myself and answer it with, maybe someone's been thinking of me all night....hahaha!
Jokes are always half-meant, a friend said once. And maybe...just maybe, behind that joke, there's this wishful thinking that someone has really been thinking of me. Then the memory of someone from the past would, again, bounce in my head...disturb my sanity and make my day half-miserable...
How can you possibly say it's over when you're still in love with the person you said you were over with already? I guess it's not that easy when the chain of the past locks you in the chest of false hopes and leads you to a place called fantasy with Cinderella and Snow White as your best friends!
The three of you would gather on the hilltop and after a while three young drop-dead gorgeous princes would come riding on their horses to join the picnic under a tree. How pathetic! But, admit it or not, it's true...
The hardest part of losing a loved one is to accept the fact that they're gone and might never come back again. There are things that will always remind you of your togetherness...the places you've been, his or his/her favorite food you used to cook for him or her, expressions you used to hear from him or her and songs you've both loved to sing. These are the memories that'd linger on your mind from time to time. Because you were both in love before (or so you think), it makes you hope for another chance.
You begin to believe on what others said that love is lovelier the second time around and the line from Ally McBeal, "Whoever said that 'plenty of fish in the sea' thing is lying. Sometimes, there's only me."
We tend to think that the person who left us will come back one day and say those words, or just simple words but would promise forever. Problems may occur every now and then, but we would consider those things as trials to be conquered in order for the relationship to bloom and mature.
Oouucchh! Reality just bit me! More often than not, these romantic movies and mushy love songs only make us long for something we cannot have...and for someone who cannot be ours again. It hurts to admit that we are just pretending.
All the while, we already knew the truth but we ignore it. When the damage is done, there's nothing left to do but mourn for the bitterness in our hearts. Then curse anybody who gets in the way.
As long as we still hold on to the past, the chances of meeting someone new may be a bit far off the field. The fear of trusting and falling in love again may also hinder us to grow and move on.
We are hesitant to take the risk, afraid that we may get hurt again. Because of the negative thoughts stocked in our brains, we refuse to go out from our self-made world and deprive ourselves from new opportunities, whether in love affairs or career wise.
Let's face it! Betrayal can be anywhere and anyone can be a victim. The worst part is when the one we truly, madly and deeply love is the one who will betray us in the end. Then we are left with nothing but a broken heart and wounded pride. Sad... but true.
Reality check please... It can happen to anyone but we shouldn't just take things as it comes. An action must be done. It's just a matter of survival. Stand up when you fall. It's okay to cry as hard and as long as you want to. Just make sure that when you stop crying, you won't cry for the same reason anymore. Learn and live.


schizoshrink said...

grach? what's this? u ok?

reanaclaire said...

hi Grace, what u mentioned here has happened to me.. places and things my husband and i have gone through, the memories will remain forever.. what u said is correct, the overcoming the loss of someone u love in the initial stages is the most difficult and toughest of our lives.. more than 10 years have passed, the memories are still fresh, but deep inside me, i know our hearts will continue to go on and on..till we meet again..